Honesty can be applied in many ways – to help others, to solve a problem, or even to intentionally hurt someone. Brutal honesty stems from someone’s darkness. As a society, some of us, do not like to have our internal struggles pointed out. We don’t want to acknowledge them. When a brutal honest communicator feels the urge of being“brutally honest,” be aware. They are not concerns about the recipient’s feelings. The brutal honest communicator may be altering their pent up feelings of insecurity. Yet, let’s be honest that’s more compassionate than harsh. Let’s allow ourselves to share our most innermost thoughts with empathic, honest communications.
I have two examples to share with you about brutal honesty and being honest in a more compassionate way.
The first example is a brutally honest communicator, let’s call him Jayson, a family friend. About two years ago, he and I were on a call discussing any plans of coming to his neck of the woods. I explained that I was attending a motivational speaker event, which was an hour away from his house. Jayson suggested, if all possible, to come over to his house to celebrate my birthday weekend. I told Jayson that I was not into celebrating my birthday. After the event, I preferred to go home and hang out with the birds. His response was, “That’s silly! Are you kidding me? Look, I understand that holidays and your birthdays are a little bit rough on the edges. Yet, it would be an honor to have you over and hang out with the family.”
I gave in and decided to spend my birthday weekend with the family. After coming off of a great high at the motivational speaking event, I drove an hour away to get to his house and spend some quality time with the family. After a week of growth education, I arrived at his house and needed sleep.
The next day, we shared deep conversations about my courageous grief journey. As I was processing my thoughts and feelings, he suddenly interrupted me. He said, “If I am brutally honest, and not to offend you, but you are kinda playing the victim role. It’s time to get over that your family is dead, or you need to move the fuck on.” I was astonished. I felt disturbed by the statement but realize how to respond to unsolicited opinions. I told him, “Thank you, and I will move forward with not having this conversation anymore with you. Be well.”
A Warmhearted Minute
Raise your standards of honesty, but with class and decency. Ask yourself these questions, “Is your statement accurate? Is it helpful? Is it any of my business?” Rather than feeling proud of being brutal may cause collateral damage due to a lack of compassion. It is important to be conscious of how your honesty affects others.